How to Keep Married Sex Exciting?

When you and your spouse first met, talking, doing things for each other or just being together was probably very romantic. During that exciting and memorable time of courtship, having someone you admired notice and care about you was a real thrill. How can you keep that glow going in your marriage? Many other responsibilities compete for your attention. Stresses and worries can crowd out time for your spouse and your marriage. It is possible to keep love and romance alive in your marriage with some planning and effort.

Friendship is the Key

Keeping love and romance alive in your marriage doesn't have to depend on going on cruises or weekend getaways. Couples who still "feel the glow" in their marriage are those, who on a daily basis, have nurtured the friendship that is the basis of all happy marriages.

Remembering to touch lovingly and sexually (here).

Keeping up on physical appearances (here).

Playing a bit "hard to get" (here).

Sharing a fantasy (here).

Creating rewarding interactions (here).

Beyond those, the research also offers an additional important item - doing exciting activities together...

What to Do

Clearly, for established couples, sharing exciting activities keeps the romance alive. Therefore, when relationships start to get a bit dull and lackluster, try changing things up with one of the following:

Doing something athletic with your partner.

Trying an exciting or scary activity as a couple (e.g. roller coasters, carnival rides, bungee jumping, etc.).

Watching a thriller or horror movie together.

Experiencing something novel or new with your lover (e.g. eat a new food, going to a new place, etc.).

Get involved in some sort of couples competition or challenge (e.g. bowling league, cards, touch football, golf, etc.).

Many women will tell me the reason they don’t hug or touch their husband more is because their husband’s mind goes directly to the goal of having sex, and she feels “too tired to get into all of that.” If you are going to build a healthier family, you must begin with building a healthier marriage. If you are going to build a healthier marriage, you must build healthier communication. If you are going to build healthier communication as a married couple, you must be able to talk about your sexual feelings with your spouse. If you are going to talk about your feelings toward sex, you have to become aware of your sexual/sensual self as a person.

Below are a few suggestions to help you get started:

The brain is the largest sex organ. You have to start here to feel good about sex. If you are angry or anxious at a partner, you have to deal with the brain first. Anger that is held in does not create good sex or help you to feel sexy.

Your attitude. Embrace yourself — you don’t need to be a perfect size. If you have curves and hips, embrace them. This is one of the most beautiful aspects of women. Most of us have flaws, cellulite, acne, or wrinkles. These “flaws” will not distract from a beautiful smile or a warm embrace. Take a lesson from your man. Men are much better at embracing their flaws than women are.

Fantasize. The more you think about sex, the more you will want it, so be sure to take time to think about it. Read romance novels, listen to music, and watch movies. I caution couples not to share their fantasies unless they involve one another.

Get to know your body. Touch yourself so you know the sensitive areas of your body. Where does it make you feel good to touch? This knowledge is very important and helpful to the person loving you. Your partner cannot read your mind, so let them know what feels good.

Foreplay. The name tells you what it is for. Healthy marriage foreplay starts first thing in the morning and lasts all day. Make sure you stay connected during the day with a quick call or text. Sexual intercourse is only one small part of sex. There are so many ways to be intimate in your marriage, so why get hung up on only one?

Remember, women have less stress when they are emotionally connected. Guys have decreased stress when they are physically connected. Guys, talking and listening to your lady decreases her stress. Sex happens when women are not stressed.

It would be short sighted for couples to get married and talk about “till death do us part” if they didn’t consider what they were going to do to keep their sex life interesting. Yet, that is what happens to most couples who wed. Couples talk about their new place settings, TVs, and bedrooms sets but are naïve about the issues that will have a huge impact on their ability to keep their marriage healthy. Married sex has the capacity to be the best sex, but only if the couple values its importance. In the end, it’s not the lifestyle of marriage that causes the snore factor, it’s the couple who sets it and snores.

Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sex, whether it is hot or not, is the opinion of the couple. Many couples have sex once a month in the same position and love it! Others feel unloved if it isn’t every day. It’s not a problem unless one of the partners is complaining. You don’t need to swing from a chandelier to be happy.